The Darkness of Your Mind
by Frost Glass
Summary: Armin's having trouble sleeping after everything that's happened, and goes in search of company and comfort. "I know...I couldn't sleep." Armin admitted quietly. "And you just thought you'd keep me up, too?" Levi asked him. (SPOILERS for ep 54 "Hero". Rated T for a little violence and some swearing)


**The Darkness of Your Mind**

**AN: I didn't expect this either, but here we are. My first AoT fic. And my 80th story on this website. I'm sorry to everyone honestly.  
**

**Not intended to be a ship for Armin/Levi. Takes place sometime after/during season 3, specifically after ep 54, "Hero". So there are MAJOR spoilers.**

**Written for my dearest friend Robin Logan.**

**Enjoy-**

* * *

Armin's feet were cold against the stone flooring, and he pulled his cloak closer, fighting off a shiver as he made his way across long halls.

He knew he was supposed to stay in bed and try to sleep, but he found he couldn't. He craved company. He craved some sort of comfort. He wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was because he was scared. He was almost constantly scared, but normally he was good at at least pretending he was fine. Pretending that he wasn't terrified of what might happen to all of them. Or to Eren. Or Mikasa. Or any of the people he had bonded with. And yet, he was supposed to be used to losing people by now, wasn't he?

He couldn't understand how anyone could get used to such a thing, though. Even if it seemed like some people did get used to it. He used to think he knew for sure that some people were used to it. But now he wasn't sure about that either. You would think Eren would be. But after hearing what happened, it sounded like Eren had been pretty upset over his death, so maybe that wasn't the case.

Levi really seemed like someone who would be used to seeing people die. Maybe he was. Armin wondered if he had cared that Armin had died, or that Erwin died. Well, surely he cared, but he wondered if he was upset over it, or if he was just...used to that now. But the idea made him feel kind of sad.

These thoughts would only lead back to worse thoughts. He didn't need that right now. While usually Armin might tear apart his thoughts and ideas, unraveling mysteries with just his mind, tonight was the kind of night where he wished he could stop thinking completely. His thoughts right now were a screwed up mess. His mind feeding him images every time he shut his eyes. Images of corpses, of blood, of death, of titans...of his fallen comrades. Of all the people they had lost.

No, he couldn't think about it right now. He pushed the thoughts back as he finally reached the door he had been making his way to, but still he hesitated before knocking quietly. Would he even want to see him right now? Would he be angry at him? They had just returned, and it was clear a lot of people weren't happy with the decision to bring Armin back. But would he blame Armin for that?

The door opened slightly a minute later, dark eyes peering at him from within the room, before he stepped back and allowed Armin in. "What did you need? Kind of late, isn't it?"

"I know...I couldn't sleep." Armin admitted quietly.

"And you just thought you'd keep me up, too?" Levi asked him as he shut the door back, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

"That's not-" Armin trailed off, feeling like hiding. Except there was nowhere to hide...well, aside from his own cloak. "I'm sorry, I can leave." He said instead.

Levi moved past him, walking to a round table on the far side of the room before sitting down. "You're already here, you might as well sit."

Not knowing what to do, Armin stood there for a moment, but finally he sat down on the other side of the table. He resisted the urge to fidget, and instead watched as Levi poured tea into two different mugs. "Thank you." He mumbled.

"So, was there a reason you couldn't sleep? You look like you could use it."

Armin took one of the mugs now, sipping on it slowly, partly to stall. "I guess I'm just...worked up, after everything. I'm sure I'll be fine."

He thought the kind-of-lie was decent. And it was reasonable, too. But Levi stared at him for along minute instead, looking like he was thinking about it. "Worked up is one word for it, I suppose."

Glancing back down at the warm mug, Armin tried to relax a bit better, but he felt so very tense, and it was almost worst than it was when he was alone.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea, after all. But he forced his gaze to stay on the mug and the tea within it, trying his best to calm down. If he looked to the door, he was sure he would be gone in no time. If he looked at Levi...well, he wasn't sure. It wouldn't be good. Not right now.

"Hey, you okay?" Levi asked, bringing him back from him train of thought, and he nearly looked at Levi, before remembering that he shouldn't.

"Do you regret choosing me?" Armin was asking instead before he could stop himself. His grip on his mug tightened slightly as he waited in silence for the answer. He wished Levi would sigh or something, give him some sort of sign. But of course not. This was Levi. He would react silently, or not at all to these words. And then he would respond when he was ready, with a voice that would likely be as monotone as usual.

"What the hell," Levi mumbled after a moment, "What kind of question is that?"

Armin still didn't look at him. "Just...answer it."

"No. Where did this come from? Do you think I should regret it?" Levi asked him then, his voice hard and not giving much away. Other than he seemed angry. But didn't Levi always seem kind of angry? That was his baseline. A voice in the back of his mind said his own baseline was being scared. Because wasn't he always? Always scared? Always a coward? And the one good thing he tried to do...he couldn't even do that right.

"Maybe." Armin told him in a small voice.

"Because of that guy? Or is it because there's people who wonder why it was you?"

"It doesn't matter. Do you regret it though? Or...ah, never mind." Armin swallowed hard, keeping his eyes trained on the mug, even though it was tempting to glance up. Would Levi look bored? Annoyed? Tired?

"I don't have a reason to regret it. He was able to rest finally...and you're needed here. Not just by your friends, or those close to you. But that's beside the point. Didn't I say not to think this way?"

"I know...but I-I'm sorry. I should probably go." He started to stand up, only to stop at Levi's voice, "This is why you can't sleep, right?"

Armin only nodded now, not knowing what to say. "So sit back down. Unless you had somewhere to be?"

Shaking his head, he sat back down, but he still felt like running. "I'm sorry." He repeated before thinking about it.

This time Levi did sigh, "Really? You don't have to apologize so much, you know."

And yet, Armin almost found himself apologizing again at that, before reminding himself not to. He grabbed his mug again instead; not to drink, but just to have something to hold on to. "I know." He said quietly, then.

"So you think I should regret my decision? Is there a reason for that?" Levi asked after a long moment of silence.

"It...it doesn't matter." He was gripping the mug tighter again, but he hadn't expected for Levi to suddenly reach over, placing his hand on Armin's. Armin gave in, glancing up in shock to Levi, who stared back at him with a tired look, "It kind of does. I don't need you thinking this way. And if you're going to lose sleep over it then that's worse. So talk to me."

"I-" Armin stopped, clearing his throat, but it didn't seem to help any, his throat still felt tight, like it might close in. "I don't know what to say..."

"You could start by tell me why you think I should regret something like that. Or why you would even ask."

Armin nodded, but didn't speak right away. His mind was still such a damn mess. "I guess...I'm like the others. I think Erwin would have been the best choice because...I'm nothing like him. He was a leader, he was a light for people...and I can't be that. And now, with everyone else thinking this, it just feels like-well...like I was meant to die."

"Huh," Levi had taken his hand back by now, and took a long sip of his tea with a fierce look in his eyes that Armin didn't quite understand. "I regret asking, 'cause now I'm just pissed off."

"I-I'm sorry?" Armin tried carefully. He hoped that Levi wasn't angry at him, though.

"I think it's probably obvious, but this decision wasn't yours. Why should you feel bad about it? It was my decision to make. And I don't regret it. Neither should you."

Armin didn't know what to say, staring at Levi; he felt speechless. He wasn't sure why. He hadn't expected this, even if it was Levi who had first told him not to wonder about this. After a minute Levi spoke again, though, "When it comes down to it, yeah, either of you would have been a good choice. I don't know why you can't see that. Surely, you must realize this on some level? I'm still not saying you're to become him...you can't. But that doesn't mean you're useless. You're essential, you're important, like Erwin was. The ultimate decision wasn't based on that alone. So no, I don't regret it."

"I'm glad you don't regret it..." Armin told him then, his gaze dropping back to his mug. He meant it, though. He was happy that Levi didn't think it was a mistake. "But right now, I don't think I could be convinced it was a good idea, even if it was, and even if you stayed up all of tonight just to tell me otherwise. I think...that's the main reason I can't sleep. My mind's just...it's a mess."

The sound of Levi's chair scrapping again the floor had him glancing up again to him. Levi stared at him then, as he placed his mug on the table. "So the chances of you sleeping at all is pretty low tonight."

"I guess so, yeah." Armin mumbled. He felt bad for making Levi deal with this. He hoped Levi wasn't worrying about him, though.

"You want to just stay here again tonight?" Levi asked him then, going over to his bed then to take off his boots.

Armin wasn't sure, though. Because on one hand, it sounded nice. But on the other hand, he didn't want to bother Levi. He didn't want to bother anyone. And Levi had already done so much. "I-it's fine."

"You sure?" Levi raised an eyebrow as he gave him a look.

"Ye-yes. I'm sure." Armin stood then, leaving his mug on the table. "I'll-I should go."

Levi nodded, "You should. But I'm going to say this, only because you said your mind's a mess right now...and I know how much you can doubt things, yourself included. Just because you should doesn't mean you have to. But that's your decision. And if you change your mind, that's fine too."

He paused then, his hand barely outstretched for the doorknob. He wanted to stay. But he wasn't sure. Wouldn't this annoy Levi? But he had known that had been a risk since he first knocked on the door, so why should this be different? He was going to give himself a headache.

But finally he came to his decision. Because in the end, wouldn't he just end up worrying so much about bothering Levi that he wouldn't get any sleep? And that would be pointless. He left without another word, because if he stopped to say anything else, he might change his mind. And he couldn't allow that of himself.

The dark halls felt colder than they had before. Strangely, he felt like a dog that had been kicked out, even though it had been his own decision to leave. He couldn't think about that, he couldn't change his mind now. Levi said he could, but wasn't that just Levi trying to be nice? He didn't really mean it.

He climbed back into his bed with a hopeless feeling in his chest, pulling the blankets up to his chin. He wasn't sure how long he stared up at the ceiling in the dark. He was planning on waiting for the sunrise though, which would probably be soon enough. Though, he didn't know that for sure. Still, how hard could it be?

* * *

Armin's feet were cold against the stone flooring, but this time he hardly felt it as he rushed down the hall, making his way to a door before knocking on it unsteadily. His hands were shaking bad enough that he couldn't really keep them steady. Thankfully Levi opened the door quicker this time, and Armin almost sighed in relief —or would have, had he not been holding back tears.

"Hey, did you-" But Levi trailed off then, and Armin wasn't sure why, but he could guess. What was more alarming, that he probably looked like crap, that he looked like he was about to cry, or that he was likely shaking noticeably?

"Hi," Armin greeted him quietly.

"Are you okay?" Levi asked instead, his tone just slightly off from it's normal sound with a touch of concern.

Armin nodded, hoping he wouldn't have to say much. Levi silently moved away then, letting him back into the room for a second time that night, but then Levi paused in the room, looking like he was uncertain about something. He looked like he had just woken up, actually. His eyes tired and his hair a little messy, not mention he was dressed in soft pants and a shirt. Finally he seemed to decide something, though, glancing to Armin before grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the bed.

He carefully pushed Armin to sit on the bed then, and Armin didn't protest. He was too tired for this...too tired for these dreams. Instead he felt thankful when Levi took his cloak and quietly told him to lay down. He was even more thankful that Levi didn't question him about the nightmares. He could talk about it later, but he wouldn't be able to right now. They were too fresh in his mind.

"Just try to sleep, alright?" Levi told him then, stepping over to the other side of the bed to lay down next to before pulling the blankets up to cover both of them.

"Thank you." Armin mumbled, wiping a hand across his face quickly.

"Don't thank me. But next time...just tell me you want to stay."

"I didn't...I mean, I thought I was going to be okay." Armin tried to explain then, but he saw Levi shake his head out of the corner of his eye, "Tomorrow, Armin. I'm too tired for this."

"I —sorry, Sir."

Levi sighed then, wrapping his arm under Armin's shoulders to hold him close. "It's fine."

"Okay...goodnight." Armin told him softly then, leaning into Levi's chest. He felt like he could sleep, even if he knew he might just wake up again from more dreams.

"Goodnight. Sleep well, Armin."

* * *

He couldn't breathe. He was paralyzed, his body frozen as he watched with wide eyes as everything he cared about was ripped to shreds. There was blood, God, was there blood. But it was worse than just that. It wasn't the blood that bothered him so much —though that did bother him —it was the severed limbs he really couldn't handle. And he wanted to look away, he did, yet he felt frozen to the spot, his legs shaky, his knees felt like they were about to fold in, and another part of him was wondering why he wasn't helping them. He could be saving them, why wasn't he?

Why? Why couldn't he move? Why the hell did this always happen? He was useless, truly. His hand moved to grab at his ODM gear, but he stopped, watching as another titan suddenly grabbed Eren. He didn't gasp, because he couldn't. He couldn't gasp, or shout, or scream or cry. He was stuck. All he could do was fall, his knees giving out, and he felt the rough debris and roofing cut into his legs. It didn't matter. Eren...that was what mattered. All of his friends, all these people. Why was it him, who would survive this? Because he didn't risk his life, like them, maybe.

And then, finally, he was crying, and he finally, he could scream, "EREN!"

"Armin, Armin!"

Why couldn't it have been him? Why did it have to be Eren? No, no, not Eren. Not him. He sobbed and someone was wiping his tears away quickly —probably Mikasa, or whoever had survived...aside from himself. "Armin, calm down. You're okay, you're safe."

But that wasn't Mikasa, or anyone else he had expected. Not that Levi was unexpected, but still, he was a little surprised. "Eren-" Armin tried to tell him, tried to tell him that they lost Eren, but he couldn't get the words out, his tears still trailing down his face as he tried to calm down. He found he couldn't do that so easily though.

"Eren's fine, Armin. He's safe." Levi told him then, his voice steady, and finally Armin started to really calm down. He was still crying, but it was quieter now, more controlled than his earlier sobbing. It took him a moment to realize that he'd been dreaming, though, and that made him feel stupid. Not to mention it was sort of embarrassing. And hadn't he bothered Levi enough? He cursed himself mentally. So much for being smart.

Levi sighed after a few seconds, sounding exhausted —Armin could've guessed why. He glanced up then, wondering just what time it might be. From the window it still looked pretty dark, the slightest hints of sunrise were there too. He turned back to look at Levi then, who was still propped up on his elbow. Levi stared back at him. "You okay now?"

Armin nodded, about to reach up, but Levi beat him to it, wiping away more of Armin's tears with his shirt sleeve at his wrist. "I hope you didn't wake anyone else up."

"I'm sorry," Armin told him quickly. He felt bad for waking Levi up twice tonight. Not to mention how he had been bothering him earlier that night.

"It's alright. I was hoping you would get some sleep, but this was expected." Levi said then before laying back down. In the darkness of the room Armin could see him staring at the ceiling though. He looked so tired.

"Capt —uh, Sir, I could leave if you-" Armin started, only to be cut off by Levi suddenly. "Don't call me 'Sir' or 'Captain'...don't use titles like that right now."

Armin opened his mouth to apologize but thought better of it. He had probably apologized enough for one night. "I could leave if you want, though...I've bothered you enough-"

"It's fine. Are you sure you're alright? You look pretty shaken up." Levi glanced back to him now, his eyes sympathetic.

"I'll...be okay." Armin mumbled, calming down still felt hard. He was on edge. He was pretty awake, actually.

"Did you want to go see Eren? Might help." Armin felt his face heat up a little at the advice. He knew Levi was trying to help, but Armin felt so stupid and embarrassed. He overacted badly to his dreams.

"No, that's alright. I should probably just try to sleep. Though honestly I feel pretty awake." Armin told him, though he did lean more into his pillow as he spoke, hoping he would soon be tired enough to actually sleep.

"Did you want to talk about it, then?" Levi asked, pausing, "I mean, I guess I could make you tea-"

It was Armin's turn to cut him off, though, "That's fine...Levi. I don't need any tea. And I'm not sure if there's...much to talk about, when it comes to the dream. It was just...bloody. And then, Eren..." he sighed, "He got —hurt."

"Armin," Levi said then, reaching over to brush the tears away that Armin hadn't realized were there until then, "Eren is okay. I know a lot has happened, but he's okay. And more importantly? He won't go down easily, he would fight tooth and nail, you know this."

Armin nodded, staring back at Levi, trying to focus on what he was telling him. Levi was right, after all. The Eren he knew won't die easily. He was strong. He was brave. It still hurt. Armin felt his eyes stinging, and he quickly dropped his head lower, biting his lip as fresh tears burned his eyes and ran down his face.

He heard Levi sigh above him, "Armin..."

Despite being unable to, Armin wanted to apologize again, but Levi was pulling him close then, holding him in his arms. "I'm sorry." Levi mumbled softly, confusing Armin.

He wanted to ask why Levi was apologizing to him, but he could barely control himself tonight. It was sad, actually. Instead he only tried to stay calm, trying to stop himself from crying more.

It was a few minutes at least before he was quiet again, finally relaxing slightly against Levi. And yet, as exhausted as he was from crying, and barely sleeping, he still didn't want to sleep again; he knew what awaited him. He sighed, shifting so his face wasn't against Levi's shirt. "I feel like I'm gonna keep you up for the rest of night."

"Hm, yeah, probably."

Armin didn't bother glancing up at him as he spoke. Maybe he really was getting tired now. "I could still leave."

"It's fine. Though, if you're going to keep me up anyways, I'm gonna make you some tea." Levi moved to get up then, pushing Armin gently from his embrace, though Armin didn't mind. Mostly he still just felt bad.

"Thank you." He mumbled anyways, turning to watch Levi light a lamp. Somehow he didn't want to get out of bed, despite feeling as bad for Levi as he did. He also just felt like crap at this point. He was exhausted in every way possible, and yet he was awake from a nightmare, one that would simply come back even if he did choose to sleep again.

He wasn't even sure how long it took before Levi was returning with a cup of hot tea, lost in his own thoughts and thinking about how easy it would be to just sleep. And yet he couldn't. "Sit up," Levi said as he approached the bed.

Armin pushed himself up and sat with his back against the wall before taking the cup and sipping on it carefully. It was only then that he realized Levi had mug as well, as Levi sat next to him on the bed, his back against the wall too.

"I'm really sorry...I usually sleep at least slightly better than this. But lately —it's these nightmares..." He sounded pathetic, even to his own ears.

"I get it," Levi said though, and when Armin stared at him he stared back, raising an eyebrow. "What? The kind of shit we've seen keeps all of us up. It's not surprising."

"I guess...though if I'm being honest, I feel pathetic. I mean, I lived. I should be happy, all things considered, but-"

"Armin. Don't. I know people give you a hard time, but it doesn't matter to me. It shouldn't matter to you either."

Armin nodded, ducking his head. He knew Levi was right, but still, it didn't change anything. He sighed. "But it does."

He glanced over to Levi to see him staring at him, and Levi sighed then. "I know."

They grew quiet after that, both of them still sipping on their hot drinks in heavy silence. Armin regretted speaking up. He could have at least pretended that he was fine, but no. Of course he still continued to annoy Levi. He glanced to the window, feeling frustrated when he noticed the first rays of sunshine starts to filter in. It was already dawn.

"Well. Good morning, Armin." Levi mumbled, but his tone surprised Armin, because Armin thought he would be annoyed at least. Even he was annoyed with himself. But Levi didn't sound annoyed, just...calm.

Armin glanced down, not knowing what to say. He was just so angry with himself. "Looks like neither of us are getting sleep tonight, after all."

"Nope," Levi paused, sipping his tea for a moment, then he exhaled and leaned back against the wall, "Maybe we'll get more sleep tomorrow." Armin only nodded, but he didn't like thinking about it. Being alone, in his own bed again. Facing those nightmares alone, wondering where he was sometimes when he would wake up drenched in sweat. He hated it. He hated having these stupid dreams. He hated sleeping.

"Yeah, maybe." He mumbled, though, and he hoped he sounded more hopeful that he felt. Because he didn't feel hopeful. He felt drained.

"You can come by again if you want." Levi told him then, and Armin looked up to see Levi watching him.

"Um, thank you. I...might, I'd hate to keep you up again."

"I'll make that easy for you then. Come by again tomorrow, alright?" Levi was still staring at him, waiting for his response, and Armin struggled for words, "I-I will."

"Good." Levi turned his attention back to the window across the room, where light was shining in from, and Armin turned to watch the window too, sighing quietly. "Thank you, Levi."

**End**


End file.
